The one with the come-back

"I am not the first person you loved.

You are not the first person I looked at with a mouthful of forevers.

We both have known loss like the sharp edges of a knife.

We have both lived with lips more scar tissue than skin.

Our love came unannounced in the middle of the night.

Our love came when we'd given up on asking love to come.

I think that has to be part of its miracle.

This is how we heal.

I will kiss you like forgiveness.

You hold me like I'm hope.

Our arms with bandage and we will press promises between us like flowers in a book.

I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat on your skin.

I will write novels to the scar on your chin.

I will write a dictionary of all the words I have used trying to describe the way it feels to have finally found you.

And I will not be afraid of your scars.

I know sometimes,

it's still hard to let me see you

in all your cracked perfection, but please know,

whether it's days you burn more brilliant than the sun,

or the nights you collapse into my lap

your body broken into a thousand questions,

you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

I will love when you you are a still day.

I will love you when you are a hurricane."

-P

The one with rage

The one with rage

People say it is normal and alright to lose your calm during some situations. I beg to differ, I did lose my calm this time and I’m horrified with my own voice and actions, looking in the mirror is as difficult as climbing the Everest. There is no excuse for such behavior, provocation or no provocation, I’m not an unstable angry man, I should’ve kept my cool, the way I keep it almost always. I don’t have an explanation or as excuse but I have an apology. I’m sorry for behaving the way I did, maybe it was getting to me, maybe I didn’t understand how difficult it is for you to disbelieve your sight, maybe I just had to vent out anger. Whatever may it be, I’m sorry it happened in front of you. I’m sorry I scared you, you know I did not mean to. I will work on the anger all the more now and you will not see a repeat.

Rage is a curse I happily avoided, until this day and here my guard is on again, to protect you and I from rage and anger, I’m sorry for this first time and I will work towards making it the last one too. I was shattered seeing you get scared of me, I was shattered seeing you shed tears, I was broken seeing you brake, the guilt of causing was worse. Maybe I’m not as good a person as I thought I am, but I will be what I’m and what I always believed I’m.

I accept goofing up and I accept all flaws in me, except one, I used the wrong word (YES) but the intention, sentiment and the thought behind it was nothing close to what it looked like, I have done things wrong, I have wronged you but I have not cheated on you. Knowing how difficult it is for you to believe anything I saw right now, I still want to make sure you know that I did err but not this, I made harmless mistakes, but I didn’t make the mistake, it looks like. I’m sorry for all that I did wrong.

You have a big heart, I hurt you and you helped me stay calm, I annoyed you and you pat my back so that I felt wanted, I wronged you and you spent your night talking me to calmness. I bow down and salute you for your brave face, your anger and rage was understandable and I get it. I thank you Priyanka for making me stand, even when you didn’t have strength to do so.

In this coming week, our parents will meet, I do not want you to stick through your decision if it is because you don’t have an option, I want you to believe me the way you did, and I promise you to not even let a hint of any colour near the trust, it’ll be clear, transparent and clean. Not even the slightest of dirt.

I apologise to you for my wrongs and assure you of corrections, I apologise to you for my imperfections and promise you care, I apologise for breaking you and promise you to be your strength. I do not have the heart to ask for forgiveness but I will request you to give me a chance, I want you to know, I did err but not fucked up, I messed my words but not my actions.

I need you to know, I love you the most and the moistest, without you, im a piano with no keys, I’m a tennis racket with my player, I’m pasta without pasta and I’m a loser with my sore.

I am sorry Priyanka.

I love you

And I promise to not goof ever again.

Ps. Never leave me. I will never let that smile go. 

The one with the families

The One with the Families 

Sometimes, just wishing for something to happen a certain way is not enough, and who knows this better than us? after the fiasco which Jaipur was, I was broken and shattered. It was nothing like our plan, not even remotely near. It was nothing but embarrassing and i can't thank you enough for letting it pass. I know its not excusable and its only for me that you're going easy on it. 

Since April, our path has been full of stones and breakers but we have stood steady and ready for whatever life has to throw at us. That is my favourite thing about "US" we aren't afraid of stones, we aren't afraid of falling, we are only afraid of losing each other, that fear is so strong that we will not let either one of us face it. because without you life will not be life. 

6 months strong and counting...by now we have discovered unspoken things about each other, we have built a trust which is stronger than Fevicol ka Jood. we have fought and we have made up, we have fallen and we have helped each other get up and stand stronger. 

I have become close to your family and finally you're not scared of my father (which is an accomplishment, your application for a Nobel Prize for this feat is underway!). skipping the disasters of Jaipur trip, i'm glad you've met dad and he is comfy towards you, something he has not been even with me. Mom has been all praises about the way you are and how mannered you are, its not her fault, she doesnt know the devil you are yet! what i have with your family is what makes me the happiest. they dont like me because they dont have an option. they like me for what i'm and what i am for you, they dont want an option anymore. I cant thank Mom, Dad and Amma enough for braving the tornado for us, for stil having teh same love for me as they had earlier, i know it isnt easy, but now we know its not going to be this rocky. 

i love seeing aneesh's name flash on yuur phone, i am the brother he didnt have to choose, youre the confidant he has chosen, this makes your relationshp with him special. I strongly believe, you and esha will have a similar thing going, but maintain distance with rishi, he is irritating. I like how Sanju calls me Sonu Bhaiya, how he asks me things, how he shows me things and interacts, i loved how he took your side and defended us. 

6 months and we have achieved what people take generations to achieve. 

I have a best friend in you and you have your biggest fan in me. 

Jabtak colgate mai namak hai tab tak hum aapke fan hain 

Also now that you're not unemployed, im sad as i cant mock you anymore, but i'm proud of you, i love how passionate you're about work. and i am honoured to be a part of your world. 

My pika, i promise to be yours forever, and i want you to promise me, you'll be the same way with me. taunt me, throw tantrums, get mad because that makes me enjoy the process of making you smile, the harder it gets, the softed you get. 

I love you 

Yours,

A

The One with Maybe

Maybe one day we'll hold hands and walk into the sunset once we've made our lives from the stars and the sea and the mountains. We'll probably kiss and it'll be a long kiss: we'll live out a lifetime in that kiss- we'll live, breathe, and die in that kiss. Our morbid belief in love will get us through nights and we'll sit there and watch life happen.

Maybe one day, you and I will reach the end of the world and it would be like feeling love. Feeling love, if love was a sin. We'll sit through the nights, smoking the darkness and we'll dream a million dreams, so many so that the ocean will swirl with our dreaming. With the smell of the sun in our hair and bubbling laughter in our minds, our smiles will be magic.

We'll laugh at how goofy we are and how we get onto each other with arguments. And somehow, through every thing, we'll find new ways to love each other.

You and I, we'll tell stories some day. Stories of drunken nights which have almost always ended in me getting angry. Stories of hope and love and togetherness.

 And then, it would rain. And we’ll together see the blue sky turn into a magical shade of grey.

May be then, will I know if there ever exists happiness, it is when we’re together.

The one with the poem. Not Poyam. Or Poyem. Or Poym. It's Poem.

Today, I want to tell you about a girl and a boy and beating the odds.

Today, I want to tell you of the 6th floor apartment and french window sills. Of lemon tea made out of iced tea powder and of wearing no shoes in the house. Of pure, unadulterated love. The one that's independent of everything.

Today, I want to tell you of two people who met and had a story to tell. A story of meeting against the odds, of gentle kisses, of heartbreaking distance and of never ending reunion hugs. A story that is young and old and everything in the middle, and so contradictory to every belief they held valuable.

Today, I want to tell you of harmless lies and second chances. And third and fourth and fifth ones. And the kind of love that forgives. The one that's selfless and giving.

Today, I want to tell you about the stubble, the tickle of which, feels wonderful. Of shirts with the first button undone. Of goodbyes and promises to come back. And a little bit of heartbreak, once in a while, for all the right reasons.

Today, I want to tell you about roadtrips to the mountains, and all the mist in the air above them. And how all the best moments I can think of, have you in them.

Today, I want to tell you of poems. The ones that reiterate our faith in glorious endings and perfect tomorrows, no matter how testing present seems.


Love,
P.

The one with hope

The one with hope

Hope guides us, if not guide, it does give us a direction, which strengthens our existence and in turn fuels our passion with hope.

When you made the brave decision of dedicating your time somewhere else and letting your love, advertising, wait for you, I stood by your side and I believed in your zeal and passion.

Now, as you stand at the horizon of a new beginning, I stand by you as you go closer to your first love. When you sit in front of the people from Bates (don’t know how is it spelled) I am sure they will see what I see in your eyes, which is utmost pure zeal to excel in this field.

I have been your biggest fan and when I hear people admiring your work, I just feel proud of the fact that you don’t deter and you have your priorities straight.

This is to tell you how big a fan I’m and I wish that people on the other side of the table, see what I see, which is brilliance.

All the best for tomorrow baby, I know you’re anxiously waiting to start work again, and you are anxious about tomorrow but will not show it.

You will be great!

Love,

A

Ps. whatever happens in life happens for a reason. clichedly true 

    

The one with Magic

Magic: The one without illusion

"Magic", the word always gives me a sense of illusion, but not anymore. Because what we have is magic and what you do with your smiles is magical.

Let me take you back to February 14, 2016, Valentines? yes, A-blahnari is romantic that way. 

The day started with me, running around cleaning the house because madam A-blah was to grace my house with her vibrant presence. i could feel my heart race as I was trying to be patient with the wait, effort in vain.

But there you were, with me, in our little space, looking deep into my eyes, as if you were looking for something. Your stare was piercing, it was intimidating, yet it was the look i was longing for. 

with you in my arms, i felt the most secure, i felt like the king of the world at the top of the world. With you in my embrace i could feel magic.

After 45 years, when i look back now, I feel overwhelmed. the sentiments start to race with no end. 

This is Magic! Magic is what you do! Magic is you!

A-Blah, you maybe blah buy you won my heart when you survived my amazing singing and more than amazing dancing (Was that sarcasm?). Having you in my arms, while i was high, mostly i was high on you and 2% on the alcohol, but having you in my arms singing to you and making you dance, getting embarrassed but still continuing, it is that moment that i realized, with you i was what i am, with you i was always 100% Arahant! idiotic but yours.

I remember telling you on a fine evening that I would want to be asked out. you took me by surprise when you asked me out, i wasn't expecting that, and you did that by going on your knees, it wasn't your move when made me go weak, it was the warmth in your eyes. your eyes didn't flutter, it was one of those rare moments where you don't shy while looking deep into my eyes. that image in carved in my heart forever. 

A-Blah I can't even put in words how much that one move meant for me.

with love,

Your fan