The one with rage

The one with rage

People say it is normal and alright to lose your calm during some situations. I beg to differ, I did lose my calm this time and I’m horrified with my own voice and actions, looking in the mirror is as difficult as climbing the Everest. There is no excuse for such behavior, provocation or no provocation, I’m not an unstable angry man, I should’ve kept my cool, the way I keep it almost always. I don’t have an explanation or as excuse but I have an apology. I’m sorry for behaving the way I did, maybe it was getting to me, maybe I didn’t understand how difficult it is for you to disbelieve your sight, maybe I just had to vent out anger. Whatever may it be, I’m sorry it happened in front of you. I’m sorry I scared you, you know I did not mean to. I will work on the anger all the more now and you will not see a repeat.

Rage is a curse I happily avoided, until this day and here my guard is on again, to protect you and I from rage and anger, I’m sorry for this first time and I will work towards making it the last one too. I was shattered seeing you get scared of me, I was shattered seeing you shed tears, I was broken seeing you brake, the guilt of causing was worse. Maybe I’m not as good a person as I thought I am, but I will be what I’m and what I always believed I’m.

I accept goofing up and I accept all flaws in me, except one, I used the wrong word (YES) but the intention, sentiment and the thought behind it was nothing close to what it looked like, I have done things wrong, I have wronged you but I have not cheated on you. Knowing how difficult it is for you to believe anything I saw right now, I still want to make sure you know that I did err but not this, I made harmless mistakes, but I didn’t make the mistake, it looks like. I’m sorry for all that I did wrong.

You have a big heart, I hurt you and you helped me stay calm, I annoyed you and you pat my back so that I felt wanted, I wronged you and you spent your night talking me to calmness. I bow down and salute you for your brave face, your anger and rage was understandable and I get it. I thank you Priyanka for making me stand, even when you didn’t have strength to do so.

In this coming week, our parents will meet, I do not want you to stick through your decision if it is because you don’t have an option, I want you to believe me the way you did, and I promise you to not even let a hint of any colour near the trust, it’ll be clear, transparent and clean. Not even the slightest of dirt.

I apologise to you for my wrongs and assure you of corrections, I apologise to you for my imperfections and promise you care, I apologise for breaking you and promise you to be your strength. I do not have the heart to ask for forgiveness but I will request you to give me a chance, I want you to know, I did err but not fucked up, I messed my words but not my actions.

I need you to know, I love you the most and the moistest, without you, im a piano with no keys, I’m a tennis racket with my player, I’m pasta without pasta and I’m a loser with my sore.

I am sorry Priyanka.

I love you

And I promise to not goof ever again.

Ps. Never leave me. I will never let that smile go.